Managing Conflict

One of the unavoidable side effects of any relationship is conflict. Conflict can arise when two or more people have a difference of opinion, beliefs, values or ideas. Having the tools to manage interpersonal conflict when it arises can be an extremely valuable skill.

We’ve put together a few tips to help you manage interpersonal conflict:

1)     Time out

 Taking the time to step away from the situation can be extremely useful, especially at the start of a disagreement when emotions may be heightened. A time out can give those involved the opportunity to reflect on the conflict, identify their feelings as well as trying to understand the feelings and motivations of others involved.

2)     Language

 One of the most important things to remember when engaged in conflict is to be honest and to keep language respectful. This can include strategies such as avoiding name calling, blaming or judging the other person. Instead, try and focus on communicating feelings and needs rather than opinions. One way to do this is to use “I feel” statements instead of “You” statements.

3)     Listening

 During conflict, sometimes we can be so caught up in our own feelings, or we may feel so impatient waiting for our turn to speak, that we forget to actually listen to the other person. Listen carefully to what is being said and acknowledge any feelings that the other person may have identified or may be experiencing without minimising them. Reflecting back to the other person what has been said can be a great strategy to ensure that everybody is on the same page, as well as letting the other person know that you are listening.

4)     Shared goals

Finally, using the conversation to look for and identify shared goals or similarities can be a great way to help manage conflict. Redirecting the conversation to shared goals can reduce feelings of “you against me” and contribute to building a sense of collaboration and cooperation.

Sometimes we can get into a pattern or cycle with those close to us so it can be helpful to seek support in changing this up. If you think that you’re at that point, working with a psychologist to identify and change your patterns could be a way forward.